What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 02:48
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She wouldn,t have been !
Where the ultimate outsiders.
How do I build rapport with anybody?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
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Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
All the time i was locked up.
Why do companies cull employees during financial downturns without saying so?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I will be 64.
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She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was seconnd youngest,
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They are buried together, in the same grave..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Do North Koreans have access to K-Pop?
She found it foreign!.
What did i know ?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Does meth make women super horny like it does men?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im still living with it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
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The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So whats the point in blame.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Especially a lifetime of it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My family never makes their pension either.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was in good health!
One cannot live in the past .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it wasn’t much.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Put me off passion for life!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My life is so biszare .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But, we were locked up after school.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Would this be the day?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We all went to grammer schools
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I waited trembling.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Comes on , in middle age.
She loved him until the end.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I have no regrets .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He resisted the act ,that day.
It was going to be , some day.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
When she asked me how she looked .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I never cut or harmed myself..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I write beautiful poetry .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I said to her
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was very sick at this time too.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Ive learnt so much.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The only rule us 5 kids had .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I think the readers, may guess!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He knew the spot.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And i lived it daily.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I don,t even have a pension.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She married twice! .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So, i spoilt her more .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We were not on the streets..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was 9 years of age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was scared of men, in general
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
This is soul school!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.